Weekly Update: Catherine’s chunder inducement factor…



And as you all queue up for your latest dose of adoxography (yeah, I know, a great word – Google it), I can’t begin to tell you about all the excitement here at Nidd Valley HQ. Preparations are underway for the next committee meeting, heaven help us all, and the entire place is littered with results from all over the shop. It will be no surprise for me to tell you that everyone is, as usual, very excited. So please empty your pockets, remove any items of loose clothing and keep your hands inside the carriage until the ride has come to a complete halt. Scream if you want to go faster.




There’s been a right old bit of parkrun tourism this week, and it starts with Hannah and Andrew Peagram who were down in Bury St Edmunds to compete on the Suffolk course. Andrew (21:02) was on fine form with an amazing time, with Hannah (34:19) also making easy work of her Saturday morning run. I’ve no idea what Mike Deacon (23:23) was doing at Roundhay parkrun so you’ll have to ask him yourself if you want any further details. Dave Rushton (27:59) bossed it at Sowerby, and isn’t it just great to see Ann Rushton (34:44) get reacquainted with her running shoes?  Finishing off the tourism, we’ve got the results from Fountains (Ripon isn’t exactly the other side of the world, I admit, but then again neither is Scarborough): Sue Reast (27:46 PB! – well done, Sue!), Barry MacDonald (28:14) and Michelle Smith (29:38). Michelle Dinsdale (29:51) snaffled it back under the 30 minute barrier, too! Anyone would think she’s training for a marathon or something. Catherine Barber (30:20) rounds up our tour with her showing at Lyme parkrun in Derbyshire.


With all the best athletic will in the world, I was going to do Harrogate parkrun, but I went for a quick drink after work with my colleague Steph and go home at 2am on Saturday morning. Yeah, sorry about that. Luckily, there were others to fly the Nidd Valley flag while I was boozing and snoozing, and they are as follows: Martin Lofthouse (18:46), Ben Baird (20:53), junior Jacob Kavanagh (21:52), Mark Armstrong (22:47) and Sue Simpson (22:56). After that we had Moira McTague (24:55), Ewa Scott (26:18), Steve Newton (26:29) and Rosemary Thompson (26:31 – yet another PB!). Finishing things off, we were really thrilled with the results from Rebecca Ventress (27:03), Tony LC (29:53) and Natalia Lancosova (30:58). And sneaking in there, barely noticed, we’ve got a new PB from Connie Mitton (10:28) at the junior parkrun! Nothing escapes notice here in Results and Statistics Department at Nidd Valley House, Connie, so well done to you and well done to the rest of you.


As I promised – and I’m a man of my word, even if it is baloney every week – I’ve got the results from the Northumbrian Costal Run last week. We’ll start with making a fuss over Fi Deacon (1:48:49) because she got the first FV50 prize. It looks great alongside the Mob Match trophy in the cabinet here at Nidd Valley House, so thanks for that Fiona. But we won’t give her all the glory, though, as we have to share a bit for Tim Harvey (1:32:38), Mike Deacon (1:48:49), Steve Newton (1:54:12), Paul Manning (1:56:30), Dave Seaman (2:02:35) and Jenny Manning (2:05:45). Injury prevented Moira McTague (2:16:01) from slipping under the two hour barrier, but we’ll give her a double cheer for keeping going in the face of muscular adversity.


I’ve sat up for ages waiting for the results for the James Herriot, and there’s not a sniff of them anywhere. I could be here for weeks. As I was holed up in the bar with my mate having a post-wedding Bloody Mary this morning (and, it does the trick, I’ll tell you that much), I’m not even able to tell you the order that people finished in. I can’t even get a list of Nidders who ran. If you did, a big well done and chairmanly hug to you, and I’ll print your result next week. Sorry for the hold up.

No idea who else ran it, though...

No idea who else ran it, though…

Do I look like a mug? Have I got a handle? Am I made of china? Am I kept in a cupboard or on a small wooden tree? Would you like to put your lips on my rim? You may answer that question, the rest were rhetorical: chair@niddvalleyroadrunners.co.uk.


The Week Ahead

I got an email from Sarah Chalmers today proposing a run for the week, and who am I to argue? So on Tuesday, it is down the cycle track towards Starbeck and round the golf course and over the tracks to Knaresborough. From there, you can hang back down Waterside and up Beryl Burton, or you can push on through woods, turning back at the Lido and heading back down Abbey Road. There are a couple of options there, so have a think and make you sure you have a plan by the time I see you at the Hockey Club for 7pm.


On Thursday, we’ll tackle Birk Crag. Well, why not? It’s a nice run and makes a change from the ubiquitous Gorge. We leave the Hockey Club at 7pm, and head into town and up Valley Gardens. From there, head through the Pine Woods to Harlow Carr, before heading to the right to the Crag and back through the Duchy to the club. Afterwards, there’ll be pints and glittering conversation and/or awkward silence in the bar afterwards. You wouldn’t want to miss it.


On Friday, Catherine Barber has a special weekend treat for you: a beer mile! You need to turn up at the bit of the Stray between the hospital and Empress Roundabout with a 4 pack of a beverage* of your choice. The rules are simple, run 400m and drink a beer, and repeat three times to complete the mile. It’s all quite straightforward, rather alcoholic, but a bit of silly fun. We’ve also asked the Striders along, so we can see how chunders first. If you want to take part, get to the Stray for 7pm. Just don’t drive. Catherine has suggested going to the pub afterwards. She’s insatiable.


*Catherine has just sent me a note to say that you can bring a soft drink equivalent. She does stipulate that it has to be fizzy, though, for the – and I quote – “same chunder inducement factor”. I’m not one to argue.


I bloody love the Round Hill Fell Race, I really do, so I am uber excited to see that it is both on Sunday and feature in this year’s fell champs. Graded as a CM (that means not to steep but with a decent run out, for those of you not in the fell running know), it is a really accessible race and within the grasp of hopeless amateurs like me. Please come down to Timble (local, too) and give it a shot. Fell Running Phil is terribly excited, and we’re having real trouble trying to get him to settle at night here at Nidd Valley House. He keeps getting back out of bed and asking if it is time to put his off-road shoes on, I barely slept last night. He might think it is Christmas, but you should at least have a look: http://www.fellrunner.org.uk/races.php?id=4307.


Shaken not Stirred: 3 September 2016

Running marvel Ewa Scott has a fundraiser casino night organised for 3 September to generate sponsorship for her half marathon in aid of the Bone Cancer Trust. For only a £10 sponsorship – I know, only £10. She’s practically giving it away – you can get yourself a place at this exclusive gambling opportunity at Nidd Valley House. Even if you don’t win big (although I am sure you will!), it’s a great chance to support this all round good egg and a fantastic charity. Further details from Ewa or online: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Ewa-Scott.


NV Juniors

It has been all change at Nidd Valley Juniors as Amanda stands down as chair, Paul vacates the membership secretary’s position, and Andy Robinson takes a break from coaching. To all three of you, thank you so much for all you have done for the little folk. They appreciate it, as and I appreciate it. Good luck to Michelle Smith who is stepping up to chair the whole shebang, including keeping an eye of Rebecca Ventress, who takes on the mantle as membership secretary.


Committee Meeting: 10 August 2016

I feel like a condemned man. If you’ve got a problem, raise it with Sarah H and not with me: enquiries@niddvalleyroadrunners.co.uk.


Word to the Wise

This is all unfair, now. People are getting very sensitive. I had a cracker from Martin Lofthouse that I wasn’t allowed to print, and the absolute belter from Phil Ventress was also on the wrong side of decency (no, seriously, it was just wrong). At least Dave wasn’t that sensitive about his magnificent erection. Anyway, this week’s wise words come from one of the Nidd Valley alumni, Aimi Blueman, as she shares her thoughts on the perils of navigation when running off-road:

“It’s inevitable when you are following a path on a map that you are not actually on that you will eventually realise you are lost….after 15 miles this is going some. Thank you to Kyle from the National Trust who was kind enough to give me a lift the last 7 miles back and for not saying I was the most stupid person he had ever met.”


So long as you were not wearing your Nidd Valley vest, Aimi!


Right, I’m outta here. Can’t hang around talking rubbish to you all day.


Sam x


Posted in Uncategorized.