Weekly Update: Filth

Hi all,


Good grief, it’s a wonder I can even sit up tonight. We had our Committee end-of-summer BBQ yesterday evening. Sarah was on the prosecco, I had the butler bring up the finest wine from the cellars, and Dave, Jon and Martin were making tidy work of a few kegs of special brew. The ornamental gardens are littered with cigarette ends, and I think Judy is going to regret taking the ride-on-mower for a spin round the lawns. Michelle shouldn’t have encouraged her.  It’ll take ages to put everything back to how it should be, especially as Matt decided he’d do one of his signature fry-ups this morning, so the whole place is far messier than I can cope with. And with the saturated fat coursing through my veins, let’s have a look at this week’s results.



Emma David was first to get her result sent in to Nidd Valley House and so she gets first mention. Sorry, folks, but that is how it is. Survival of the fittest. And you’d have to be bloody fit to achieve what Emma managed: the Cumbria Way Ultra. 73 miles from Ulverston to Carlisle. Heaven only knows how many feet of ascent she clocked up as she worked her way through the Lake District to claim fourth place overall in 18 hours. I know, quite incredible really, so it’s a huge well done to you Emma. Nice work.


The second blockage to clog up my emails comes from the tireless Sue Simpson who was down in Leeds – someone has to be, I guess – and took part in the Kirkstall Abbey 7 today. If, like me, you’re wondering why pick such a ridiculous distance (10k plus a bit?) when organising a race, then I am afraid I haven’t any answers for you. I mean, seriously, who walks round comparing their 7m PB times? You’ll just have to settle for congratulating Sue (52:05) who took the first FV55 prize. Seriously, Sue, you’re over 55? I’d have never guessed.


Give Sarah Hughan (132:46) a pat on the back when you see her, will you? She raced in the Tadcaster 10 today. The lengths people will go to in order to get club championship points. And on the theme of lone Nidd Valley Operatives, it’s three cheers for Edoardo Piano (26:39) who took his life in his hands when he raced the Embsay Fell Race earlier today (but managed to beat Otley’s Antonio Cardinale, and so claims the prize for first Italian. Not something you hear often, I grant you, especially in the context of a Yorkshire fell race). Anyway, well done to Sarah and Dr Piano.


Carol Morgan and Simon Franklin have just squeaked in this week with a last minute text. They were up in Scotland to take part in some cheery race called the Ring of Steall. I haven’t much more by way of detail but, to be fair, the internet accounts of the route look pretty horrific. In any event, Carol (5:37:something) showed Simon (6:38:something) who is boss, but they both did it much faster than I ever could so I won’t make any more smart arse comments. While they were up there, they also took part in some run called the Vertical Kilometre. And you though Bed Race Hill was bad. Anyway, Simon (73 mins) and Carol (68 mins) also made easy work of that course too. Do you think they ever just get to the weekend, crash out on the sofa and drink wine and eat kettle chips like we mere mortals? No, me neither.


Brace yourself. It’s parkrun time. Moria McTague (25:00) was over on the Emerald Isle where she took part in the Clarisford parkrun, flying the Nidd Valley colours for our continental cousins while they will still let us over the border. Fiona Robinson (31:54) was up in Northallerton – someone has to do these things, I guess – and Ben Baird (21:02) was at the Delamere parkrun, while Andy Todd (19:11) and Sue Reast (28:22) made handsome work of the monastic course at Fountains.

Blimey, Moira, you dont hang around. A 5k course and she's bagged herself two new men. Crikey.

Blimey, Moira, you dont hang around. A 5k course and she’s bagged herself two new men. Crikey.

Dan Eagling (20:34) was full of banter at Harrogate parkrun, with John Mitton (21:19) and a hungover Chairman (22:35) – seriously, rough as a badgers backside. A night with mates drinking red wine and shovelling a lamb dhansak down one’s neck does not make for a PB, just excessive flatulence – not too far behind. In my aromatic slip stream, we had some cracking finishes from Jim Cook (22:59), Sue Simpson (23:04) and Dave Prince (23:56). After that, we were pleased to see Christine Holleran (24:18), Marcos Montana (24:33), Mark Armstrong (24:37) and Sarah Hughan (25:12). Dave Rushton (26:46) put in a strong performance on the Stray, with Potty Mouth Ventress (27:38) and Tony LC (28:00) not too far behind. Debbie Dilasser (28:49), junior Eddie Ventress (33:47), Mandy Smith (37:06) and Neil Smith (37:16) rounded up proceedings for us. Well done to you all. Inspired by their parkrun? Then read on below about how you can dip your toes yet deeper into the parkrun waters!


I’ve had a look for the results from the Haverah Park Trail Race. Sorry, kids, but I can’t find them anyway so I’m going to call it at a day. I’ll pop them in for you next week.


The dress rehearsal is over. You’re centre stage and it’s time to blow your own trumpet: chair@niddvalleyroadrunners.co.uk.


The Week Ahead

I am not going to be at Nidd Valley House this week so you’re all home alone. Do try to behave yourself and don’t answer the door to strangers. Anyway, there are lots of meals in the freezer for you, and here’s your to-do-list for the week.


On Tuesday, have yourself a run out to Knaresborough. You can head out over the fields towards the Travellers Rest and then pick up the Beryl Burton all the way down to the river. You should easily make the roads before darkness falls. From there, you can head along waterside, over low bridge, and then back up the killer mile of Forest Moor to Starbeck. From there, pick your way back up to the club house. As usual, meet at the Hockey Club and be ready to run for 7pm.


On Thursday, your route takes you from the club house and through town. From there, head up through Valley Gardens and the Pine Woods. If you want, you can turn for Otley Road there, or continue through the woods as far as Harlow Carr before turning left. From Otley Road, you can head straight back down to the club, or extend round by Ashville and Leadhall Lane. Choice is yours, really. Usual rules of engagement apply: meet at the Hockey Club at 7pm and take Dave for a pint in the bar afterwards.


Sunday is a really important day as the lovely and beautiful peeps down at Striders Manor are hosting their first ever race. Yeah, I know, terribly exciting stuff. Anyway, it’s only five miles and an absolute steal at just £6. If you are free, please head down and give them some support. All the relevant info here so you can go give them crag rats a bit of inter-club loving: http://knaresborough-striders.org.uk/club-championship/knaresborough-crag-rat-run/.


Committee Meeting: 5 October 2016

What ails you? You should be talking to Dr Hughan: enquiries@niddvalleyroadrunners.co.uk.


Parkrun Adoption: 15 October 2016

Everyone at Parkrun HQ was clearly very impressed with our previous adoption of the Harrogate event that we have been invited back to the Stray to show the other running clubs how it is done. It’s a busy old weekend, with the fell relays up in Scotland on the same day and then Bridlington half the next day, but if you can help out then I would love to hear from you. I’ve already had the entire Ventress family volunteer. I know, they’re very special aren’t they? There are plenty of sedentary positions for those of you recovering from marathons or other long races, and I also have a few pacing spots left over (22, 24, and 31-35). Go on, make my day: chair@niddvalleyroadrunners.co.uk.


Half Marathon: 16 October 2016

I’ve got eight seats left on the bus – and they’re free to a runner just like you. Go on, treat yourself. We’ll be leaving Harrogate at sparrow’s fart to get there in time, but you’d be doing that if you drove yourself. We’ll leave Bridlington mid-afternoon to give people time for a mooch and some fish and chips. Dan and Warren are planning to go for a pint afterwards, and Mrs Lofthouse has given Martin a big bag of coppers for the slots, so he’s very excited as I am sure you can imagine. You can get yourself a place in the race by going here: http://www.bridlingtonrr.co.uk/page16.html. Done? Excellent. Get yourself on the bus: chair@niddvalleyroadrunners.co.uk.


Guy Fawkes 10: 6 November 2016

This is really heartfelt plea. We need every possible hand on deck here on the HMS Nidd Valley. Not only does this event pretty much subsidise all of the non-essential running costs of the club, including bus trips, entry fees into mob matches, pizzas, bed race parades and Sarah’s prosecco fund, but it also funds some of the essential costs of the club. There wouldn’t be a club without this race, and there wouldn’t be a race without each and every one of you. The point is, folks, this is the one day that we need you to turn up and be counted. There’s an excess of 100 marshal positions to be filled, so that pretty much accounts for all of us. Have a look at the marshal plan here and then let me know you’re with us. Thanks.


Word to the Wise

I spent the afternoon up at Brimham Rocks with Mike D, the Ventresses and Princes as Catherine B had promised us all some free logs for our wood burners in her capacity as Chief Ranger or whatever it is she does up there. A lovely afternoon spent larking around with power tools and doing manly things with axes, I’m sure you get the idea. With all that wood, there was no shortage of sexual innuendos and I’m spoilt for choice (well, go on then, you ask Rebecca where she wants you to put your wood). It all got serious when Catherine put on some ear defenders, pulled down the visor and revved up the chainsaw. Phil Ventress exhaled slowly and shook his head, clearly very impressed:

“I love it when a woman has a chopper in her hand”


But we finish this week with some Lakeland filth from Dave S’s trip up in the Lake District last weekend. Up on the top of some mountain or other, the Nidds were quietly chomping through their packed lunches when a dog walker appeared on the summit.

Janet Carling: “Please may I stroke your boxers?”

Ian McLeod: “You can stroke my boxers anytime”


Dirty beggars.


See you next week, darlings.


Sam x



Nidd Valley Road Runners

Online: http://www.niddvalleyroadrunners.co.uk/

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/niddrunners/

Tweeting: @NVRunners

Posted in Uncategorized.