Its pantomime season here at Nidd Valley House! Oh not it isn’t! Oh yes it is! Well, then, boys and girls, I wonder which Nidder has got the role of the pantomime dame this year and which lucky soul is going to be the rear end of Martin’s pantomime cow. It’s all very exciting, I’ll tell you that much. But, before the curtain rises on what I’m sure will be a terrific performance, we’ve got an email to get through. Oh yes we do!
I tell you something, people, the minute the club championships are over then everyone seems to hang up their racing shoes and start thinking about the Christmas shopping. Ghastly. Anyway, it makes my job easier as we only have the parkrun results to do this week so, without further ado, follow me and let’s have a look at what has been going on.
Chris Beattie went to Bangor – was she in, Chris? – and he took part in the parkrun while he was there. Although not quite scratching his PB, Chris (22:42) was pleased with his first time on the Northern Ireland course. Adam Kirk (20:09) was back down in Dewsbury for a bit of parkrun excitement down there, clocking third finisher overall. It isn’t often you hear West Yorkshire referred to as exciting, but there we are. It’s was all very romantic for Andrew and Hannah Peagram as they finished the Bury St Edmunds parkrun together – bless – each clocking 32:38. I don’t actually know if it was a dirty weekend or not, nor would I like to speculate, suffice to say that if I’d had a busy night then the last thing I’d think about doing is lacing up my running shoes at some unholy hour to run a 5k race.
To Fountains, then, where Andy Todd (19:48) just missed out in a top ten finish on the hallowed ground. Marcos Montana (24:46) was also on cracking form as he raced round the monastic course, while Sue Reast (28:33) and Michelle Dinsdale (29:40) demonstrated that wearing a wimple is no impediment to impressive and athletic performances.
Right then, Harrogate. Warren Lowcock (18:04) was on speedy form and managed to bag second place overall, with Martin Lofthouse (18:36) and Matt Wilkinson (19:23) hot on his heels. Matt Rickard (20:58) and Sue Simpson (22:57) were the next to finish. Incidentally, Sue Simpson has asked me not to mention that she got herself locked in the public toilets on the Stray just before the parkrun started as she’s terribly embarrassed about it. I can understand that so I won’t be talking about the time Sue got herself locked in the public toilets. If you see her, please don’t mention the fact she got locked in the public toilets. It’s best we just leave it and just try and forget the fact she got locked in the public toilets. Unlike Sue, Steve Newton (23:29), Christine Holleran (24:28) and Mark Armstrong (24:38) managed not to lock themselves in the public toilets. Dave Prince (24:46), Sarah Hughan (25:20), Nick Smith (26:54) and Tony LC (27:53) all went before they came out and so didn’t have to run the risk of being locked in the public toilets, and were joined by an injured Fingers Harris (29:11), Rebecca Ventress (29:48) and Moira McTague (30:06). Jane Hill (30:25) and Mandy Smith (36:46) round things up for us this week, and Jeff Walker (45:45) gets a mention for pimping himself out as sweeper for the week. Well done to you all.
If you too managed to escape from the public toilets before the race started (okay, I’m sorry), don’t forgot to let me have your results: email@example.com.
The Week Ahead
On Tuesday, Jon E makes his coaching debut. I can hardly wait. Meet at the Hockey Club for 7pm or down by the Knox Wood Mill for 7.10pm where Jon will be waiting with a cheeky little hill session specially prepared just for you. Whether he’ll be sadistic like Sarah H and make you do it in reverse, I can’t say, so you’ll have to be there to miss it.
On Thursday, we’re back to the happy world of a club run. This week’s request has come from Catherine Barber, who would like to run the Reverse Showground. So, for those in need of further information, this is out from the Hockey Club at 7pm and down Kingsley Road into Starbeck. From there, pass behind Morrisons, through the Dalby Estate and down Forest Lane. Pass over Wetherby Road and down past Sainsbury’s and up through the Showground to Hookstone Chase. From there, you can head to the club pretty directly, or extend up Oatlands Drive or Leeds Road as the mood takes you. As is becoming a regular feature, Catherine will be herding a group of steadier runners if that floats your boat, or you can go haring off with the daft buggers up front. It’s your choice. Whatever you choose to do, it’ll be lovely to see you. Afterwards, there’ll be beers in the bar with the old farts for those of you that have nothing better to do.
On Sunday, Sarah is organising the Ladies Santa Run. The plan has changed somewhat, and she is now hoping to see as many of you ladies as possible at 9.30am at Blubberhouses carpark for a quick spin round the reservoirs before heading up to Mackenzies Smokehouse for your breakfast. If you’re planning on going, then there are a few things that you need to do. Firstly, you need to get yourself a £10 gift for the secret santa, then you need to have a look at the menu and decide what you want to eat: http://www.yorkshiresmokehouse.co.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Autumn-Breakfast-Menu-2016.pdf. That done, you need to email Sarah to confirm your attendance and breakfast choices: firstname.lastname@example.org. However, if you’re a boy, you can ignore all of those instructions. You can spend the morning in your PJs in front of Sky Sports scratching your balls or whatever it is you like to do.
Christmas Run: 22 December 2016
Oh dear God, not again. I’m glad that I have managed to be at the other side of the world while this is on. For the uninitiated, this is the plan: rock up at the Hockey Club for 7pm in some state of festive fancy dress and be prepared to run around the streets of Harrogate, stopping periodically to break into eye-wateringly toneless and barely recognisable renditions of popular carols. The Little Lord Jesus wouldn’t be asleep on the hay for long if he heard you lot massacring Away in a Manger in eight different keys, but it that way. Anyway, that done, head back to the club to get warmed up have a pint and a second-rate mince pie. I don’t know why we put ourselves through this.
Awards Night: 28 January 2017
I for one have never bought a hot cake in my entire life but, regardless of their retail appeal, they ain’t selling as well as tickets for the Awards Night. It’s all very exciting, as you can expect, and the butlers and maids here at Nidd Valley House are polishing the silverware, trimming the candles and buffing up the chandeliers. The ladies are all choosing their cocktail dresses, Jon is looking for his sporran and we have bought Fingers a lovely new sailor suit. You wouldn’t want to miss it, believe me.
Anyway, tickets are an absolute steal at only £20 (we do subsidise it for you, but then again we are good to you) and this includes a three-course meal and a DJ. If you want in, then you need to book your place with Judy G: email@example.com and transfer the money to the club account.
Also, if you have a trophy from last year, it’s time to take it off the mantelpiece and give it back. We need to get them to the engravers to immortalise the fame of this year’s winners. If you have one, can you please bring it to the club and give it to Sarah Hughan, or make alternative arrangements with her here: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Word to the Wise
I’ve got a couple of wise words for you this week. You must have been extra super-duper good and well behaved to get such a treat.
On Tuesday, we were getting ready for Dave’s surprise birthday party and in the changing room I decided it was probably a good shout to remind Alan Harby. For those that would like the fuller picture, he had put his socks on but was still looking for his underpants. Anyway, when more appropriately dressed, Alan wandered over and shared this little pearl of wisdom.
“How old is he? 70? Really? By jingo, I knew he was old and in his sixties but I had no idea he was that bloody old…”
On Thursday, Dave came up to the bar to get his usual post-run pint, only to find half the club there, cakes and a few presents waiting for him. He was visibly touched and emotional, prompting this final wise word:
“It isn’t often you see Dave lost for words, is it?” – Judy Greenwood, in observant mood.
Sorry about that, Dave.
I’m away now until the end of December and, freak aviation accidents notwithstanding, will see you again in 2017. I leave you in the capable hands of the staff here at Nidd Valley House and a handful of exciting guest editors. Have a great Christmas and a wonderful New Year.