Weekly Update: Debbie’s gender reassignment surgery has been a great success…

Now then,


Following some concerning information, we are declaring a State of Emergency here at Nidd Valley House. First thing this morning, we heard reports that Fell Running Phil was taking part in a road race. Then an anonymous caller let us know that Lee Dalton had made a return to racing. Shortly after that, the Deputy Manager of the Intelligence Department reported that Carol hasn’t run up any mountains this weekend. And, strangest of all, we then heard that Philippa has actually been for a run. This is all very concerning and our Intelligence Analysts are working round the clock to get to the bottom of things. For now, please remain in your homes, secure your doors and windows, stockpile non-perishable food, and avoid all non-essential travel. Thank you.



We start this week with some belated news, this time from Christine Holleran. Christine took part in the Shaun Lee Johnstone Memorial Race last weekend and you’ll be impressed to hear that she finished the muddy and wet 10 miler in a brilliant (1:29:25). Congratulations, Christine.


Up in Osmotherley, Lee Dalton took part in the 20k trail race earlier today, marking a return to racing after a long hiatus. Impressively, he was the first in over the line – not just first Nidd, but proper first. Even more impressive, isn’t it? Our sources tell us that it was a quite a convincing win for him (in 1:26:ish) with some distance between him and his nearest rivals. Sarah Chalmers (1:24:ish) wasn’t first in the 12k race, but nor was she last so that should at least put a smile on her face. Well done to you both.


Neil Wright tells me that he was down in Leicester – not something he wants to say too often, if he can help it – where he raced in the half marathon down there. Well, bugger me. He only went and got under the two hour barrier with the most athletic of results (1:53:55). As is tradition, Neil has sent me the email apologising for not being faster and putting himself down. Neil, get a grip of yourself: that’s a great result and a profound achievement. Nice work.


You know it is a big event in the road championships when even Fell Running Phil laces up his road shoes to get involved. But it was a big event indeed, where today we marked the end of road championships with the Whixley 10k. If this was what he was like at the road championships, I dread to think what he’ll be like when the Wadsworth Trog brings the fell champs to an end next month. He’ll be insufferable. Never mind, we’ll throw ourselves off that bridge when we get to it. For now, let’s have a look at the results. It’ll be no surprise that Warren Lowcock (36:45) was first to finish for the club, coming in an impressive third place. What is it about that man and getting placed third? He always does it. Anyway, I’m pondering whether to share Tim Harvey’s result as he ran with his new friends from York Knavesmire. Still, we’re a kind hearted, reconciliatory lot and you’re forever dodging dove shit and tripping over olive branches round here, so I’ll tell you that he (37:06) nailed an incredibly impressive time, too.


Stop dithering, Fugill, and get back to the results. After Warren and our prodigal son, we had Martin Lofthouse (38:15), Adam Kirk (40:56), Mike Deacon (43:52), Fiona Deacon (45:50) and Jim Cook (46:48). From there, Mark Armstrong (47:17) guided Fell Running Phil (49:00) over that funny stuff they called tarmac, while I’m sure that Debbie Gibson (53:36) kept Jenny Manning (53:43) entertained with plenty of bantz. Debbie Dilasser (56:21) almost took the prize for first lady with a course record to boot until someone pointed out that she’d been mistaken for hubby Jamie (41:13), with Michelle Smith (57:28) and Fiona Robinson (1:04:55) completing the line up. Well done to you all.

Celebrating Debbie's new course record! #everyoneisveryexcited

Celebrating Debbie’s new course record! #everyoneisveryexcited

As that marks the end of the road championships, if you have a joker you’d like to play, then you only have until midnight to get your call in to Mark David: sqwubbsy@gmail.com. Please do not call after the deadline, as your vote will not be counted and you may still be charged for your call. Please always remember to ask the bill payers permission.


Parkrun-wise, we have to give a shout out to Dan Eagling (20:15) who took fourth place at the Tramore parkrun yesterday while out visiting his brother Paul. Well done Dan! Michelle Dinsdale (29:58) was on her lonesome up at Fountains Abbey (let me hear you shout amen, sister!), while Fiona Robinson (40:34) continued her parkrun bagging campaign around Yorkshire at the Sheffield Castle course.


Each week, your Harrogate parkrun results make me think that I’ve made a rod for my own back with the write up. It takes bloody ages, but you are special peeps and I would hate to let you down. So, from the top, Matt Wilkinson (18:32), Martin Lofthouse (18:34) and the-not-seen-for-some-time Chris Crabtree (21:05) got things off to a flying start for us, with Ben Baird (22:30), Sue Simpson (22:55), Steve Newton (22:59) and Christine Holleran (23:37) never far behind. Mark Armstrong 24:34), Mike Benson (24:59) and Moira McTague (25:38) were the next to complete their athletic ablutions, with Jeff Walker (29:57) just sneaking in under 30 minutes. Ah the romance, Jamie (30:02) and Debbie (30:03) Dilasser were sure to finish together, before Neil Wright (33:16), NV Junior Thomas Gillett (36:10) and Mandy Smith (37:09) brought the show to an end on the highest of highs. Fabulous running all round.


Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Precious kisses words that burn me, lovers never ask you why: chair@niddvalleyroadrunners.co.uk.


The Week Ahead

As I am away on Tuesday with work, your compère for the evening will be no other than Fingers Harris. He’s got the keys for Nidd Valley House and has a cracking run lined up for you. Meet at the Hockey Club for 7pm, and run over the Stray and into town. Head down to the bottom of Valley Gardens, before heading up Cornwall Road and onto Harlow Moor. From there, it is back onto Otley Road, where you can head straight back to the club down Otley Road, or extend down Beckwith Road and Green Lane before emerging on Leeds Road. As ever, Catherine B will be leading a steady group so you’ve got no excuses for not coming. There’ll be something for everyone – even you, you little scamps!


On Thursday, I’ll be back in the driving seat and at the Hockey Club for 7pm. Come on, let’s push it. Let’s do Knaresborough. Down Kingsley Road and into Starbeck, before heading down the hill to Knaresborough. Once you’re down there, it’s along Waterside before heading over the low bridge and along Forest Moor, back from Starbeck and back up to the club. Dave isn’t here this week, but we’ll be keeping his memory alive with a pint and a bag of crisps in the bar afterwards. Why not come up and say hello?


On Sunday, we’ll be having our second reccie of the Guy Fawkes 10 route. If you haven’t run it before or don’t know your marshal position, then it’d be a really good idea if you could make time to get to this. The pace will be relaxed and steady – we won’t leave you behind, I promise – and it will be made all the more fun as I will be your host for the day. If you can come, and I hope that you can, then please meet at the carpark at Ripley and be ready to run for 9.30am.


If the thought of the morning in my company is as welcome as, well, I don’t know, then you could always have a look at bit of fell running action on Sunday morning. There’s the 7.5 mile Bronte Way fell race near Colne, starting at 11am. I’ve never done it before, so don’t ask me anything. Just scrape together your £8 entry fee and get all the other relevant info here: http://www.fellrunner.org.uk/races.php?id=4449.


Guy Fawkes 10: 6 November 2016

There are loads of you I haven’t yet heard from. And I really need to. If you can marshal, then stop teasing me and holding me in suspense. Give me the answers that I long to hear.


Marshal plan attached here.


Word to the Wise

So I was out running the Three Peaks yesterday with Dave Prince and Matt Rickard (5:49:and a bit, thank you very much). Dave had educated us both in the difference between type one fun and type two fun (the former is fun while it is happening, and the latter only fun after it’s all over). Somewhere near the bottom of Ingleborough, Matt decided he’d had enough, that his legs hurt, and that any type one fun remaining was quickly converting into the second type. Under the guise of tying his shoelaces or something, he lay down in the middle of the path, put his hands over his face and cried out:

“How the f*** do people actually do this in under three hours?” – Matt Rickard, in mid-tantrum.


And if it weren’t for the tantrum, we’d have probably done it in 5:47.


See you later in the week. Sleep tight.


Sam x

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